Monday, May 3, 2010

Is There a Doctor in the House?


People often ask me what it's like to be married to a psychologist. Does he ever try to analyze you, they wonder?

And I say, no, he doesn't try to analyze me. The closest he ever comes is occasionally, when we're discussing something, he says, "If I were your therapist, I would probably ask you about ______." And then I throw a dirty sock in his face. (Because he's right.)

It's even more fun, during other arguments conversations when I say to him, "If I were your therapist, I would ask you about ______." He loves that. (Because I'm right.)

One time, in the depths of his lengthy clinical education, he said to me, "You are the most mentally healthy person I know."

I beamed with pride. I considered it a ringing endorsement. Four out of five dentists agree.

A few jaded years later I thought, Well, that was a clever thing to say! And then I imagined him writing secret articles for prominent psychological journals: Marriage Experiment, Year 13: Wife Still Crazy, Still Unsuspecting.

The truth is, sometimes I'd like him to be my therapist. I'd like to lie on the couch with him perched on the leather chair nearby, pen in hand, listening to my delicate thoughts. I'd like him to formulate my entire life story, sympathetically explain all my idiosyncrasies, and carefully solve all of my problems. Except that if he did, I'd probably throw a dirty sock in his face. Or a frying pan. But, no worries, because he wouldn't do it anyway. He's all into "ethics" and "boundaries" and crap like that.

I do, however, ask for his advice. He's a very wise advice-giver. So wise, in fact, that sometimes he says, "I don't think you really want my advice on this."

And I say, "Of course, I want you to tell me that I'm right! I mean, of course I want your advice!"

And he says, "Put down the dirty sock."

14 comments:

Kristina P. said...

We like to diagnose each other, at work. And random people on the street. Always fun.

aimee said...

Cute. I feel a special bond to you guys since he is a psychologist/therapist. I'm sure you and Scotty would have losts to talk about.

Would love to hear someday if you hub teaches or practices therapy in an office. For some reason I think I have missed that in the year-ish I've been reading your blog. Thinking he is a professor now too?

Kami said...

Four out of Five dentists agree that you two make a cute couple. :)

Christy said...

Thanks for making me smile this morning!

Leslie said...

Ryan, and his wife, are so wise, and GREAT advice givers! They are some of my favorite people.

Becky said...

Having recently had your doctor in our house....I had the same fear. "Is he analyzing us?" I REALLY don't want to know. :) Cute post!

Donna said...

Wow, that's so weird-- people are always asking me what it's like to married to a website user experience architect, and if he's always trying to design better websites for me! The answer is also no. :)

But the real question is what it's like for your husband to be married to such a great blogger. I think it's time for a guest post.

Jesse C said...

I like this. You and Ryan are great.

Barb said...

You are so funny and you make me smile. We miss having your smiling faces around our parts. Keep up the great writing! Love to read your blog. ;)

Hannah said...

hehe. you always make me smile. you two sound like the cutest couple.

Emily said...

Thanks for making me laugh!

Rachelle said...

haha. you are a good wife. i am a bad wife. my hubby is a therapist and i always make him shrink me by saying, "honey - i need a few minutes to process something." the poor guy can't win. because in the middle of a "discussion" i will say, "I'm not one of your clients - stop analyzing me!" he started off planning to go to law school and then changed at the last minute. i think it's because me and my family gave him lots of practice/experience in the therapy world...haha.

and i don't throw dirty socks - i just pinch him when he's sleeping. :)

MiaKatia said...

You make me smile. I am not sure if you want my opinion or not... who are we kidding of course you do... you two are great together!

Omgirl said...

hey, at least you'd never have to threaten divorce to get your husband to go to therapy! (At the worst, you might have to threaten dirty socks, right?)

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