Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Stuff I Didn't Know About Motherhood Until the Baby Came Out

  • Baby's first poop that looks like tar
  • Mom's first post-birth poop (Where is the epidural for THAT?)
  • Stretch marks
  • The peace and warmth of a sleeping baby on your chest
  • That carrying around your "baby weight" for two years isn't exactly normal
  • An extraordinary amount of equipment that goes everywhere you do
  • The wide variety of breast pumps available
  • Postpartum depression 
  • The expanse of your heart
  • The occasional feelings of claustrophobia
  • Other people's strong opinions about your decision to breast feed or not (WHOA!)
  • The ability to rock and sway without realizing you're doing it
  • The delightful smell of Johnson's lavender baby wash
  • The surprisingly pleasant amount of late-night infomercials
  • Kid fashion
  • Happy Meal toys
  • Realizing a latent ability to dispose of boogers in...unusual ways
  • Realizing a latent ability to clean up all manner of bodily fluids 
  • The brilliance of toddler TV
  • Crusty car seats
  • The joy of finding your preferred diaper and wipe brand
  • The horror of hearing your own "baby-talk voice" on home videos
  • The gorgeousness of chubby thighs (baby's, not yours)
  • The ability to perform a multitude of tasks while half asleep
  • An ache in your upper back from holding kids who literally get bigger every day
  • Bottle rot
  • Yeast infections (for everyone!)
  • Finding menial things to clap about (Yay! Burping! Yay!)
  • Doing the same thing over and over to get a laugh
  • Projectile vomiting
My babies are both celebrating their birthdays within the next six weeks. They are hardly babies anymore. Christian's birthday will mark a dozen years of motherhood for me. I still feel like a rookie most of the time, but they make it so worth it to play the game.

What didn't you know before you had kids?


Hayley said...

i loved this post. i'm half way through my first pregnancy. i've got 3 older sisters who all have kids & i've watched them for the last 14 years become mothers. i've closely participated in most of their little baby-hoods. and yet, i know that this is going to be a huge learning experience for me. i can't wait. thanks for making me even more excited today.

lily said...

how much i LOVED sleep! i thought i loved sleep, but i did not realize how much i would miss it. is that too obvious?

Soul-Fusion said...

I'm unqualified to answer that question but I will say that "Realizing a latent ability to clean up all manner of bodily fluids" is my biggest fear of motherhood. Forget the whole childbirth thing, cleaning up puke and poop scares me.

Michelley! said...

definitely don't have anything to add to this - don't have the man, much less the kids.
however, things that i'm now concerned about that i wasn't prior to reading this post:
mom's first poop!!! seriously!?!?
stretch marks...uggh. one of those "hope this doesn't happen to me" things
and yeast infections...sigh, never had one yet (knock on wood) and not lookin' forward to it at all.
welp, here's to cleaning projectile vomit and crusty car seats!

Dede said...

Wow, Tiff. I was nodding my head the whole time and smiling because I feel the same with most of those. Especially the following:
-stretch marks
-baby weight for two years-yep, never thought it would happen to me!
-postpartum depression-no one understands this one unless you have felt it
-rocking without knowing it!
A few of my own:
-feeling so proud of all the baby's "firsts"
-watching your baby learn something new
-how much a little boy can make you laugh
-how much I loved my independence but how I love my baby more
-how much you want everyone to think your baby is a big deal-maybe this one is just me :)

Kim said...

Um, let's see...

How hard it is to hand your new baby over to a neurosurgeon for brain surgery.

How unpleasant the NICU is.

How much time I would spend in waiting rooms.

Oh, experience was a tad bit different but the love is the same. Great post.

Jodi said...

I didn't know how to completely lose myself physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally in someone else.

Becky said...

Loved this! I didn't realize how much I would miss my 'me' time but at the same time, how much being a mother would mean to me. If that makes sense.

Jesse C said...

So good. My favorite (from experience) is:

'The horror of hearing your own "baby-talk voice" on home videos'

Holy cow, I wanted to rethink my whole life when I heard mine. Really? That high pitched and cheesy?

lemoniepants said...

biggest thing i didn't know...

motherhood: it's not about you.

Becky said...

I'm going into the second trimester of my first pregnancy and this was perfect thing for me to read. Can't wait to experience it myself!

Barb Granquist said...

Loved the post and I TOTALLY agree with everything. The only thing I would add is how much and how quickly a toddler seems to get into everything. Including but not limited to mustard, popcorn salt, kitty litter, toilet water and makeup. All at the same time, and all within the 20 minutes it takes you to change the laundry.
The upside - they sure make some great pictures! Thanks for the smile. ;)

Miranda said...

I will never forget the first time I stood in the grocery line swaying slowly back and forth...without my baby. I believe I was holding a loaf of bread.

Leca said...

I didn't know how much patience, love and endurance I was capable of. The messes make for great stories after you get over the nastiness of it all.

Rachelle said...

i'm new at this whole mommy thing. besides everything listed here, i think i would have to say that i didn't know how barbaric circumcisions were. after witnessing that TRAUMA - i kindof think my son is a super hero. that was insane.

KimmyGoat said...


I am continuously amazed by the amount of silly fun in our house - made up songs, weird dancing, strange animal noises - just for the kid to crack a smile! Also - the joy of watching my husband be a dad and my parents be grandparents!

Cathy said...

The pain! The pain! The pain!

Andria said...

I didn't know what unconditional love was like until my first little guy smiled at me. I love my boys more than chocolate, fluffy vampire romances, and Hugh Jackman combined.

I'm A. said...

love this. so sweet. and sort of scary. :) im excited!

Ginnie said...

Thanks for bringing up a lot of the issues I've been suppressing for the past 7 months. I feel no comfort in reading this post. ;)

Might I add, the ability to shove a football through a key hole...

Kami said...

The infomercials...I have a funny story to tell on that one.

The smell of the lost sippy cup (WHOA!)

The feeling of panic I had after I woke up from my first real sleep in the hospital that I was in charge of another human being. I will never forget that.

Two handsome babies you got there. You tell'em I said so...handsome babies - they will love that. ;)

Christy said...

This brought back a lot of memories. It's hard to believe those years went by so fast when it felt like they would never end.

Christie said...

What a great post! So many vivid memories there . . .

Before I had kids, I didn't know patience or real exhaustion or how many thousands of times I would kiss the tops of their sweet (often sweaty) heads.

lizzie said...

the expanse of your heart--when i was pregnant with mikey, i was afraid i wouldn't be able to love him as much as i loved anna. i was wrong. your heart doesn't contain a finite love amount. the love is infinite.

also, i have learned things don't always go according to plan. but you make it through.

MiaKatia said...

I didn't nurse, so I am intimately aware of other people's opinions on the bottle/breast issue.

I had no idea how much my appreciation for my husband would change after the kids were born. Watching them sleep on the couch together or him singing to and rocking the kids when he doesn't know anyone is watching him. Oh my heart is melting all over again!

Kellybee said...

I LOVED this...I couldn't have said it all better! I had no idea how many opinions you would hear about raising a child...especially from total strangers in the grocery store of all places! I knew there was a lot of physical care involved in raising a child, but nobody warned me about all of the emotional situations that you deal with on a day to day basis. That has been the hardest thing for me to deal with as a parent. I had no idea that it takes a good four to five weeks for your breasts to stop hurting from nursing (OUCH)! On the other hand, I never knew how much love I could feel for someone and how exciting it is to share something with your child for the first time. I love watching their faces when they make a new discovery.

Donna said...

That you really would turn into your own mother.

Cumulative Sleep Deprivation: a truly evil combination.

That you will look at your babies and think, "there has never been a more beautiful baby in the entire world."

Omgirl said...

Such a good list! It makes me really nostalgic for my babies. Even the bad stuff.

Do you mind if I kind of steal this idea?

You Are My Fave said...

I like to hear stuff like this so I'm not utterly shocked when crazy moments will happen to me in future motherhood. I wish more moms were just honest and real.

tiburon said...

Such a great list - but honestly there are SOOOO many things I didn't know that it might take me a lifetime.

Is it wrong that i don't miss them being babies at all?

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