Wednesday, April 10, 2013

That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles

The kids are suspicious of my cookies. Christian passed them by yesterday, an entire glorious rack of them.

"Aren't you going to have a cookie?" I asked.
"That depends," he said, "did you put something extra in them to mess them up?"

The answer was yes, that I added corn flakes. And also, yes, that it messed them up. I thought it would give them a refreshing crunch. It actually gave them a pesky chew, like when you accidentally get a piece of wax paper in your bite of saltwater taffy. Oops. Some risks in life don't pay off.

Normally I add toasted coconut, which the kids also consider to be the ruin of a perfectly good chocolate chip cookie. The toasted coconut is my favorite, which means that I get plenty of opportunity to enjoy my cookies before the kids finally break down and begrudgingly eat them.

Last week I made peanut butter thumbprint cookies with adorable little dollops of raspberry jam in the middle. Christian reluctantly tried one, but not another. I asked if he liked them and he replied, "They're good; they're just not really my thing." When Max got home, he eyed them for a minute and opted for a tall glass of carrot orange juice instead.

"You guys are weird," I said. "My mom never made cookies. She made 'green drinks' with alfalfa."

The times that I make their favorite pure, unadulterated chocolate chip cookies for them? Well, you should see all the positive reinforcement. It's like a ticker tape parade in Compliment City, all in my honor. There are audible moans and groans of pure cookie ecstasy. Sometimes hugs. And while I'm no more extraordinary than any other lab rat, I become suspicious of positive reinforcement when it comes to catering to my children's whims. I believe in fulfilling their needs, but only 18.2% of their wants.

You like these plain chocolate chip cookies? Why don't I add some walnuts next time?

On the bright side, my kids are going to grow up believing a woman can bake whatever cookies she wants. (Just as I was raised believing my mother would die before feeding us a bologna sandwich.) Long after I am dead and gone, they will reminisce to their own children that dear old mom sure baked a lot of cookies we didn't like. And they will be better men for it.

In the mean time, anybody want some gross cookies?


CSIowa said...

I'll take the ones with walnuts, but I prefer pecans.

Suzie said...

Your voice! Your voice! I can hear your voice! And it's glorious.
And I never met a cookie I didn't kindof like.

Kelly S said...

Chocolate chip cookies. Any kind of cookie. I am a slave to baked goods. Love hearing from you. You are such a good writer.

Becky said...

You have a way with words...and apparently with cookies too! I can't imagine anything you make tasting bad! I love how you experiment with your baking. I'm a follow-the-recipe-to-the-last-teaspoon kind a gal.

Leslie said...



this week for dinner - jane maynard said...

I'm now stalking you after discovering quinoa. and I have to tell you that absolutely have to try this cookie recipe from the Milk Bar. the cornflakes are not chewy and the cookies are a-maaaaaay-zing. quinoa would totally eat them. (yes, I'm linking to my own blog but not because I'm tacky but because you seriously have to try the recipe!)

texasholly said...

Oh lordy. My grandmother. She was like this. She didn't like sweets and tried to pass off vegetables as a legitimate dessert. The one time she made taffy...I was so excited the entire meal only to find out that GARBANZO taffy is awful.

Confession time, I am a complete stalker. Have fallen in love with you and your imaginary well dressed toddler girl.

Jesse C said...

Your cookies are amazing. As far as tinkering with your cooking, I think it might be a Crowley thing. I have a hard time sticking exactly to a recipe. I almost always change or add something.

yummykb said...

My mom always did this, you think it would be safe to leave her in the kitchen with a recipe and a promise that she would make it straight from the recipe only to find out she decided to take some creative license with it. love my mom, not always her cooking.

Jennifer aGlimpseOfOurLife said...

My husband asks if I added something or used a box. He simply prefers the box mixes.

Relyn Lawson said...

I found my way to you via Quionna on Pinterest, and I am so glad I did. You are cracking me up.

Melanie said...

Did you ever see Parent Trap 2? That was my absolute favorite scene where the two girls on their sleepover made cookies and just dumped everything sugary from the pantry into them. They looked a little gross, actually, but there was something about the reckless abandon of it all that enticed me.

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