Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Pssst! Over here. Yeah, down here, under the table. Hurry, before it sees you! I'll scoot over so you can fit.

Yes, we're hiding. But seriously, you've got to whisper before it finds us.

What do you mean, what are we hiding from? Isn't it obvious? The Story, the Book. It's lurking around here trying to find me, trying to make me make good on my plans to write it today. But I figured if I just crouch down here under the table until the kids get home from school, I'll be safe for another day. Good idea, huh?

Yeah, the Book is driving me nuts. It's like this big, fat obligation I have sitting on my head. I try to be nice to it, but it's so....I don't know, needy and oppressive and entitled.  And sloooow. I mean, it's really hard for me because I'm so different from that. It's a very one-sided relationship, you know?

Wait. What? You're leaving? But you just got here! I was looking forward to your company!

You expect me to sit all alone under the kitchen table all day by myself? I brought Oreos and nail polish and an iPod! You can play Angry Birds! You know, as long as you're really, really quiet.

No, I'm not crazy. This is very rational. You just don't know the Book like I do.

Stop being judgmental.

Yes, I want to write the Book. I do. I really do.

I just don't want to do it today. I'm not "feeling it," you know?

Well, probably tomorrow would be better. Maybe Thursday. Yeah, Thursday. Definitely.

You don't mean that. You don't really think I'm an idiot, do you?

Well, thanks a lot. Some friend you turned out to be. Give me back that Oreo.

Wait, stop shouting. Oh my gosh, please stop. The Book is going to hear you. Quit ratting me out!


Oh. Well, there you are! Hey, Book! I see you've met my friend. You know, the overbearing, pretentious one I've told you about.  Yes, yes, it has been a while. Heh, heh.

What? You've been wandering around the house for an hour looking for me? That's crazy! I was here! I was right here just, you know, waiting for you to get here so that we could spend some quality time together. I thought you were late, or forgot or something, which is totally okay because that stuff happens all the time. That's just life, you know? I'm very forgiving and understanding of such things.

No, no, don't be silly. I would never try to avoid you!

Don't listen to her.

That's not true.

I never said that.

She's taking that completely out of context.

Well, yes, we do have our issues, Book. That's probably fair to say.

Alright. Fair point.

I can be that way, sure.

Wait a minute, now. A wussy? Me? I'm...I'm speechless. I don't even know what to say to that.

Very funny.

Yes. Yes, I do want to write the rest of you, Book.

No, I really do. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't.

Yes, I realize that.

Yes, I know.

That's true.

You're right.

Yep, one page at a time.

I know, I shouldn't care about that.

Or that.

You're right. We do need each other.

Sure, let's hug it out.

Oh, you mean all of us? Well. Okay.

Me too. I'm sorry too. To both of you.

Yes, let's get writing, Book. I'm ready. Let me just say goodbye to my friend.

Okay, you too. Thanks for coming by.

No, you can't have the Oreo back.

Just kidding. Thanks again.


Hil said...

Thanks for the oreo. And the giggle. I'm sending awesome writing vibes your way!

jennie w. said...

I'm starting to feel a book wandering around my house looking for me too. Ignoring it!

Jesse C said...

Sounds like my relationship with home teaching. :)

I think I know the feeling. Lets read it again at Thanksgiving. Nothing inspires me like a deadline of sorts.

Kim said...

I hate pressure from non-tangible objects. Enjoy your oreos and angry birds.

Christy said...

Hey, I enjoyed being under the table with you. He he he, but i kinda want that oreo back. Seriously i need some chocolate today. Give it back!

Becky said...

You seriously crack me up lady! Oh my gosh, so funny! I would LOVE to read some of your book when we come to visit....in a few weeks....no pressure....:)

Leslie said...

Oh my gosh! You are so funny! You could totally be a writer!! Oh, wait, YOU ARE A WRITER!! I agree with Jesse, planning to hear it again at Thanksgiving!

Lindy-Lou said...

That makes three. The pressure is definitely on.

robin said...

oh the cleverness!

Kate said...

I vote Thanksgiving. I've been thinking about it all year. I stinking want to know what happens next!

p.s. My music follows me around the house. I have a Mozart cadenza, a Bach sonata, Schadieck etudes, Tchaikovsky's 4th Symphony, and Beethoven's 3rd concerto that are all whining at me. I frequently hide under the table.

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