Stand Up

Max seems to be forging a plan to have a career as a stand-up comic. He comes to us with time to time with new material, which he shares without too much prodding. This is one of my recent favorites:

"I have a great idea for Harry Potter. How about in the first movie, Harry uses a Bad-Guys-Die-Immediately spell? Because--duh--he's a magical wizard! And there you go--all the bad guys die immediately and we don't have to go through all that stuff for seven movies. We're done in one movie!"

Random Thoughts on Writing

• It's warm here. Finally.
• The trees are in full bloom.
• I can set to rest the fear I have that winter will never end and everything will be gray and ugly forever.
• There's a fine layer of dusty pollen on my kitchen counters, the results of leaving the windows open all night and day.
• I left it there and escaped to the library, where I am now.
• The library is quiet except for the occasional, thunderous throat-clearing of another patron.
• It happens every 25 seconds or so.
• Good thing I brought my headphones.
• I'm at the library to write.
• Specifically, I'm here to work on my novel.
• Writing the word novel makes my stomach churn.
• Lack of confidence, I suppose.
• I am ignoring my lack of confidence and spending every Tuesday night writing.
• (There goes the throat-clearing again.)
• Writing a novel is a strange experience so far.
• It feels a bit sometimes like I'm playing God with lives of people I've created.
• I have no desire to play God.
• I'm trying, instead, to be a storyteller.
• The messenger.
• Relating the story as it unfolds.
• That makes me feel less weirded out.
• Because, let's face it, the world would be a scary place if I were God.
• French fries and milkshakes would make you thin.
• Money and clothes would literally grow on trees.
• People would never die.
• And every night the crickets and frogs would croon indie-folk music to sing us all to sleep.
• It would never work, of course.
• We'd be overpopulated in, like, five minutes.
• And civil wars would break out before I have time to realize that some people don't enjoy singer/songwriters as much as I do.
• Which is why I'll stick to storytelling.
• Throat-clearers and lack of confidence be damned!
• (Which, of course, I don't have the authority to do.)
• Over and out.

Oh, Yes I Did

And I'd do it again.

C'mon, I'll Race You to the Top

I developed an unexpected crush on the Eiffel Tower. I didn't expect it to sweep me off my feet the way it did. It was golden and lacy and mesmerizing. Every hour on the hour it twinkles, as if it's suffering from the most adorable, romantic case of goosebumps. If it's not on your bucket list already, I'd go ahead and add it now. It will not disappoint.

And if you're not sure when you'll get there, I'll help you cheat a little and give you a ride to the top. (No stair climbing required!)


Pretty amazing, no?

Fourteen Years and Counting

Today is our fourteenth wedding anniversary. On Saturday, we picked out cards for each other at Target. Anniversary cards are especially hard for me to select. Do you go with the funny? Do you reach for the sincere? Where is the card that says, "I am equally amused by and enamored with you," and could it have a chimpanzee on it? 'Cause I like cards with chimpanzees.

As I type this, there are two squirrels on the tree outside, chasing each other round and round the bark of one of our trees, creating quite a distraction as I try to write. I don't think they are married yet, because it's 2:47 in the afternoon. Married squirrels usually chase at night, on the weekend, when the baby squirrels fall asleep early and there's nothing on TV. Sigh.

Today, I searched the Internets for a quote I remember liking from Garrison Keillor on marriage. He said, "In general, the rules for marriage are similar to the rules for being in a lifeboat on the open ocean: don't crowd each other, no sudden moves, and keep all disastrous thoughts to yourself. "

It's pretty sound advice, I think. I may pass it on to the squirrels outside who have made their way to the lawn and, in the process, transfixed Lucy who can't help but dream of what squirrel tastes like. They seem as if they have no plan at all beyond the chasing. I should help them.

If I added my own advice to Garrison's it would be to pass the time on that lifeboat by doing an awful lot of talking, listening, and encouraging each other. Hold hands. Don't force the other one to play games to pass the time, because he doesn't like to play games, he really doesn't, no matter how many times you ask. Oh, and one more thing: wear sunscreen.

The squirrels have disappeared, Lucy has settled back down into the seat cushion beside me, and I am off to celebrate fourteen amazing years with my best friend. You know, right after I print off this blog post and staple it to the tree. You're welcome, squirrels.

Prolly the Best $82.60 I Ever Spent

"I feel like starting a new life in France," Max said as we wandered the steep hillside town of Beynac on our first day. He said it, but I think we were all thinking it. The tiny cliffside town felt like another world, another time, and definitely another life. We spent the first half of our trip there and it was fantastic. Everywhere you turned, there was another castle or sweeping vista.  I'll let the photos do the rest of the talking.

There were other highlights, which I will write about when I have less jet lag and more chocolate. If you are anxious for it, send me a nap and a candy bar to speed things up.