Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Beware of Betty

Last night I had a terrible nightmare. Betty White (who was somehow Ryan's grandmother in the dream) was not only a celebrated star of the small and silver screens, but also a deranged serial killer. And somehow I was the only one who figured it out while she and I were alone in the basement.

I know the terror is hard for you to imagine, what with the pleasant smile she sports, the tufts of golden white hair on her head, and the soft velour track suit, but it was bone chilling terror I experienced. Moments before I was hacked into pieces by Betty White, I drifted out of the dream. I realized that I was safe in my bed, but the reality of the dream was so strong that I spent several minutes under my covers considering a few important questions as my heart rate returned to normal:

  • Is Betty White really a serial killer?
  • Is Betty White really my grandmother-in-law?
  • Does Anderson Cooper know about any of this?
  • I'm safe now, but is it possible that Betty White is standing at the foot of my bed with an axe?
All day long I've been a little off balance. I mean, if you can't trust Betty White, who can you trust?

8 comments:

Kelly S. said...

Two nights ago I had a dream that Tom Cruise left Katie and married me and we had a son together. I woke up and thought "I don't even LIKE Tom Cruise." I think I would have preferred the Betty White dream.

Annie said...

That is even more disturbing than my dream in which Jon Hamm of Mad Men was perched at the top of a high cliff with a kayak. The kayak started slipping off the cliff and he tried so hard to keep it from falling that when it did eventually fall, he accidentally went with it, plummeting to his death. I don't even watch Mad Men! Still, I felt he was to be pitied.

Christy said...

So funny!

Jesse C said...

I'm feeling a screenplay in the works.

Leslie said...

Maybe you got Betty Davis and Betty White mixed up??

Ginnie said...

You call it a dream. I call it a revelation. I think you're on to something.

Angie said...

I've been suspicious of her for a while, and especially since her SNL appearance. Some of those skits were way to much for a "sweet" old woman. Somthing's not right.

Becky said...

You seriously have the most entertaining dreams ever! My dreams consist of trying to remember the order all the paperwork goes in patient charts! I wake up exhausted!

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