Monday, August 16, 2010

Phantom Bug II: The Sequel

It happened again.
We took another walk tonight.
A walk, no running, this time.
I had my mouth slightly agape.
I was breathing, you know.
With a slightly agape mouth.
But a bug doesn't need much room
as it turns out.
That's right.
A bug flew in.
Straight shot past the teeth.
It high-fived my dangly gagger
(otherwise known as a uvula.)
And landed in my throat.
I had no choice but to swallow.
This ain't my first rodeo, after all.
I swallowed and swallowed.
Hard.
(Do you know anyone as brave as me?)
And then dry heaved.
And spat.
Guess what?
Phantom Bug strikes again.
Seriously.
I can still feel him
perched at the top of my throat,
calling for help from his bug friends,
hanging on for dear life,
channeling the spirit of Jonah to inspire him.
He isn't there, of course.
I swallowed him.
He's now drown among my watermelon
and cheeseburger
and other non-bug things I eat.
Somehow it doesn't matter that I know this.
He is still there.
The Phantom Bug will always be there.
There was a thirty-something woman
who swallowed a mosquito? gnat? firefly?
I think she'll die.

11 comments:

Soul-Fusion said...

Terrible! You need to try practicing breathing through your nose :)

Lindy-Lou said...

Or you could opt for one of those masks you wear when sanding or using hazardous stuff. I think you should wear it over the kids meal disguise you favored us with recently.

katie said...

You should probably stop going on walks. At least that would be my excuse!

Leslie said...

Ugh! I've been fighting some stomach bug all day, and hearing about YOUR bug just about released all that I've been fighting to hold onto (ie, my dinner).

Becky said...

Oh my gosh you are so funny! I love how you can take a horrible situation (does it get much worse than swallowing a bug??) and turn it in to a very funny read for the rest of us. You make me giggle! Thanks!

Mia said...

I'm with Katie, might be time to call off this waling business...

Suzie said...

just think of the protein....

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Kelly S. said...

I get this feeling with pills. Call it the phantom pill. You take a large pill, wash it down with a lot of water, even some crackers, yet you feel like it is still lodged in your throat. Logic, (and checking my throat in the mirror with a flashlight) tells me the pill has safely arrived in my stomach. Yet still, I FEEL it in my throat. Stuck somewhere between the gag reflex and the tonsils. I completely understand.

Jesse C said...

You should start rocking an h1n1 mask when you walk.

Kellybee said...

Here in Lehi, we are blessed with millions of bugs...especially out by all the farms where I go running. I wear sunglasses to shield my eyes from the sun and the bugs that fly into my face! I too, have occasionally swallowed bugs. I too, have dry-heaved. But I have never had a bug hang on to the back of my throat for dear life. Yuck. I'm sorry that happened to you.

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