How To Write a Random Blog Post

• It's simple really.
• You start with bullet points and a mind that can't settle on one idea.
• You don't have to use bullet points.
• (Especially if you are anti-violence.)
• Next, you type out something, like announcing the condition of your socks today.
• The thought about your sock condition--holey--will remind you of something else.
• Like, where did the phrase "holey moley" come from?
• And then, admit that you're not sure you spelled either of those words right.
• This thought is a dead end, so don't pursue it.
• Glance around the room and let your eyes rest on something.
• Talk about that item.
• Do you like it?
• Does it remind you of a memory about your sister?
• Does it remind you of a meal you ate two months ago that gave you diarrhea?
• If yes, then you should talk about it here.
• Diarrhea is always a popular inclusion in random blog posts.
• Keeps things fluid, you know?
• That's another thing--play on words when possible.
• But don't be cheesey.
• It's a fine line.
• Admit that you're not sure "cheesey" is spelled correctly.
• That's another good point--loosely weave your random thoughts together like that.
• Then start a new topic.
• But avoid religion and politics.
• Because you've already shared your thoughts on those subjects in the 4,876 emails you forward.
• Just kidding.
• Actually, avoid three topics: religion, politics, and email forwarding practices.
• You'll thank me later for that one.
• You're about two-thirds of the way through now.
• It's a good time for you to reveal something personal.
• You're comfortable enough now, so open up and say something.
• Like, how meeting new people scares the bujeebers out of you.
• (And you could deflect the vulnerability there by pointing out that you were going to write "bujeezus" but weren't sure if it was a swear word.)
• Don't run away from the vulnerability though.
• Expound at least one or more thoughts on the subject.
• Writing is all about vulnerability.
• And we all want to know that you have irrational fears like the rest of us.
• Most new people are nice.
• See? That wasn't so bad.
• Let's wrap things up with a funny thought, perhaps an image.
• For instance, you could describe the booger that's been dancing inside your nose with every exhale.
• And your tactics for removing it discreetly.
• You could point out that it's silly how much we try to hide boogers, and farts too.
• Everybody has boogers.
• Everybody has farts.
• But we love to pretend that we don't.
• You're just about done.
• You've covered the four main random points: diarrhea, boogers, farts, and vulnerability.
• Congratulations.
• You've just written a random blog post.
• And wasted part of your day that you'll never have back.