Tuesday, March 16, 2010

If Random Is Wrong, I Don't Want To Be Right

  • Yesterday sucked. 
  • There were many moments of frustration.
  • And one physical battle with the receipt-giving-thingie at the gas pump.
  • I should have apologized to the receipt-giving-thingie for my displaced anger.
  • Most of the suckiness had to do with getting our disgusting tax bill once again.
  • We thought it would be less disgusting this year. 
  • Apparently, this is my annual Taxes Infuriate Me blog post.
  • Sorry to be redundant.
  • I hate redundancy.
  • Redundancy is so redundant.
  • It's like saying the same thing over and over again.
  • Even though we all got it the first time.
  • I prefer dundancy much more than redundancy.
  • Because I like only saying things once.
  • Unless we're talking about my taxes.
  • In other news, my mom is headed into surgery right now to have her gall bladder removed.
  • Her gall bladder began a revolt on Saturday and petitioned to secede.
  • Gall bladders are very ambitious, politically speaking.
  • I'm glad she is having it out today, because she is coming with my dad to visit me next week.
  • Because my house is the best place to recover from gall bladder surgery.
  • My sister came to visit last year a few days after her gall bladder surgery last year.
  • (A little redundant joke for you in that last line.)
  • Apparently, she gave us a glowing review.
  • I told my mom that all of us here at the Bed & Breakfast & Gall Bladder Surgical Recovery Center are looking forward to serving her.
  • Because we are.
  • I think I might get some of that swanky, swirly vinyl lettering for my foyer walls that says, "No Gall Bladders Allowed" to make her feel more welcome.
  • Or maybe, "Families Are Forever, But Gall Bladders Are Not"
  • The reason I don't have any of that swanky, swirly vinyl lettering is that I just can't decide which message I want immortalized in my foyer.
  • Although, I've been leaning toward "Dear Burglars, All the jewelry is from Target" for quite some time.
  • Welcoming yet folksy, right?
  • Speaking of folksy, I have a very hard time pronouncing the word "foyer."
  • There are people who pronounce it "foi-yay."
  • I think those are the correct people.
  • Folksy people, like myself, say "foi-urrrrrrr" with an emphasis on the "urrrrrrrr."
  • I can't say "foi-yay" to save my life.
  • I don't have the pedigree to pronounce it that way.
  • In order to say "foi-yay," one must be related to a Rockefeller, own a private jet, or have at least three Persian cats that go by first and last names.
  • That's why it's all "foi-urrrrrr" around this house.
  • So to quickly recap this post: 
  • Taxes=Sucky
  • Redundancy=Redundant and repititious
  • Redundancy=Beating a dead horse to death
  • Mom=Sedated
  • Gall Bladders=Like Texas
  • Vinyl Lettering=Epitaphs for your house
  • Foyers=Social class distinction
  • Our session is over, see you tomorrow.


Dede said...

You are the queen of randomness! I love it. I don't think I am going to plan to visit anymore because I don't really want my gall blatter removed.

Miranda said...

Haha! I just love you, Tiffany. "Families Are Forever, But Gall Bladders Are Not"...I'm off to go cross stitch that onto a pillow for you.

Soul-Fusion said...

just had a conversation with someone yesterday who kept saying "foi-yay" and it made me envision a much swankier scene than I think she was actually describing.

Becky said...

Now I'm getting nervous. Is my gall bladder going to fail me around the beginning of May? I sure hope not. But if it does, it sounds like I will be coming to the right place! Thanks for your random post! I love, love it!

Kim said...

I didn't know you owned a surgical recovery center! I would have come up for my post right sided salpingo-oophorectomy. Dang it!

Christy said...

You are so funny!

Is there a policy I can purchase to keep my gallbladder & still come visit you?

You should start a fund, it could help with the tax problem.

Hil said...

Thank you for making me laugh right out loud today... and I meant the real laugh out loud, not the LOL one.

courtney said...


dear god, is that a redundant something that's commonly said, or have i been living under a rock for all these years?

i love it. i second Hil's real-life laugh out loud.

Lisa said...

I lurk, lurk, lurk, but had to say this is my favorite post for a long time. And I'm right there with you on the taxes. Very sucky. :)

Annie said...

next surgery i'm coming! it may be soon, you just never know.

sorry about the taxes. we learned after our first year of marriage to never let it happen again. it sucked. bad. thank goodness for d.i. donations!

Leslie said...

I love your randomness!! I hate taxes! I like paved highways and all, but really ....
I can't imagine recouperating at a better place! Thanks again!
I love your randomness!! I hate taxes! I like paved highways and all, but really ....
I can't imagine recouperating at a better place! Thanks again!
I love your randomness!! I hate taxes! I like paved highways and all, but really ....
I can't imagine recouperating at a better place! Thanks again!

Kami said...

You had me at Vinyl lettering and jewelry from Target. You crack me up.

I say go big or go home with the lettering: Your mom will love the gallbladder lettering, or atleast your blog readers will. ;)

littlegypsy. said...

all i can say is....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! i laughed so hard my gall bladder now hurts.

Annie said...

Your vinyl sign could also say: "Home is where your gall bladder isn't."

But you know what else could be a welcoming yet folksy addition to your foyer? A stuffed raccoon. It could have its paw raised to greet visitors and it would scare off thieves.

That was a great post!

MiaKatia said...

I love the vinyl lettering options. I think those would be hit sellers! You are hilarious. I would love to meet in real life some day, but only if I get to keep my gall bladder. I know it dosn't do much, but it's mine...

Shua said...

I'm debating whether this is my favorite post on the WBWG ever. So awesome. Thanks for a good laugh :)

tiburon said...

One day when I grow up I want to do random as good as you.

Omgirl said...

I laughed. And then I laughed some more. And then I laughed so hard I woke my husband up from his nap. He was mad. Until I read him your vinyl lettering ideas. And then he snickered, and giggled. And then he went back to bed.

The moral of this story is, stop being so funny or I will get caught on the computer again!

Kellybee said...

When you are pissed off, you are hilarious! Maybe anger brings out the best in you...I can't stop laughing!

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