Just kidding. I'm not pregnant; not even close.
Sorry, that was a terrible joke. Just terrible.
Some of you loved ones will be mad at me for weeks and weeks for the roller coaster ride you took in those few short sentences. But try to focus on the momentary joy you had, instead of the anger. OK?
It's just that I've been feeling the need to liven things up here on the old blog. When I first began blogging, I seemed to have a better idea of what I was doing here, a little more direction. Lately I feel blurry. A little weak. In need of a stronger voice.
I thought to myself, "What's a good, strong, energy-filled sentence to start out a blog post?" And I figured it out within seconds: I'm pregnant.
But--just to reiterate--I'm not pregnant. At least not with a human fetus.
Or an alien one, for that matter.
Perhaps I am pregnant with something else--perhaps it's this book I'm trying to write. This book I'm trying to think about and touch every day, but often failing to do so. This book that wants so hard to climb out of my limited brain and wants me to forget that I am a mother, a wife, an employee, and a homeowner.
And similar to a regular pregnancy, I worry about all that I'm doing that will screw it up. I should be reading more books and watching less TV. I should be listening to Bach instead of the Black Eyed Peas. I should be writing chapters instead of blog posts. I should stop worrying that it will be born disfigured, retarded, or ugly because the truth is that I will do cartwheels on my front lawn if it survives this "pregnancy" at all. And I will love it unconditionally, even when people tilt their heads, pull out their most forced smiles and say, "It's--it's--lovely." I just want the chance to have it.
This post started out with me wanting to write a better, more interesting blog. Which I do.
But I think it was Oprah who said you can't have it all, at least not all at once. So, like Oprah, I'm going to get fat in order to have success in these other areas of my life. And my blog is going to suffer and become an intermittent showcase of my most random thoughts. Will you still love me when my blog putters and sputs with the black smoke of my dumbest ideas?
Cut me a little slack. After all, I'm pregnant.