Tuesday, August 4, 2009

You're Going to Need a GPS to Follow This One

I'm pregnant.

Just kidding.  I'm not pregnant; not even close.  

Sorry, that was a terrible joke.  Just terrible.

Some of you loved ones will be mad at me for weeks and weeks for the roller coaster ride you took in those few short sentences.  But try to focus on the momentary joy you had, instead of the anger.  OK?

It's just that I've been feeling the need to liven things up here on the old blog.  When I first began blogging, I seemed to have a better idea of what I was doing here, a little more direction.  Lately I feel blurry.  A little weak.  In need of a stronger voice.  

I thought to myself, "What's a good, strong, energy-filled sentence to start out a blog post?"  And I figured it out within seconds: I'm pregnant.

But--just to reiterate--I'm not pregnant.  At least not with a human fetus.  

Or an alien one, for that matter.

Perhaps I am pregnant with something else--perhaps it's this book I'm trying to write.  This book I'm trying to think about and touch every day, but often failing to do so.  This book that wants so hard to climb out of my limited brain and wants me to forget that I am a mother, a wife, an employee, and a homeowner.

And similar to a regular pregnancy, I worry about all that I'm doing that will screw it up.  I should be reading more books and watching less TV.  I should be listening to Bach instead of the Black Eyed Peas.  I should be writing chapters instead of blog  posts.  I should stop worrying that it will be born disfigured, retarded, or ugly because the truth is that I will do cartwheels on my front lawn if it survives this "pregnancy" at all.  And I will love it unconditionally, even when people tilt their heads, pull out their most forced smiles and say, "It's--it's--lovely."  I just want the chance to have it.

I've digressed.

This post started out with me wanting to write a better, more interesting blog.  Which I do.

But I think it was Oprah who said you can't have it all, at least not all at once.  So, like Oprah, I'm going to get fat in order to have success in these other areas of my life.  And my blog is going to suffer and become an intermittent showcase of my most random thoughts.  Will you still love me when my blog putters and sputs with the black smoke of my dumbest ideas?

Cut me a little slack.  After all, I'm pregnant.


jennie w. said...

What is a cookie catalog anyway?

MiaKatia said...

Of course we will still love you. Just promise to remember all of us little people when you are rich and famous :)

James said...

Will and do love you always and no matter what!

Mindi said...


i would read you even if you were just reciting your favorite scriptures.

i'd have to have a shot of something strong to keep me awake, but that is my level of devotion to you.

i believe in you and your writing--and i'm proud to actually know somebody who would tackle a project like this.


Soul-Fusion said...

that first sentence left me a bit shocked since you are one of a very small minority of my friends who is not pregnant, engaged or newly wed..... now that I've recovered - of course I'll still read. I'll just be left wanting more :)

Kellybee said...

Tiff- I go through writers block everytime I sit down to write my blog! I wonder, is this even interesting? And sometimes when I am in a mood, I wonder how many people I can deeply offend by my true thoughts! When I read your blog, no matter what it is about, I always wonder how you think up some of this stuff! Just keep writing...it's a cyber comfort to know that you are a mouse click away!

Tiffany said...

I love to read your blog. Especially your random thoughts. And your crazy made up words. And your semi colons.

katie said...

I personally think you should get pregnant. The real pregnant.

tiburon said...

I kind of wish you were pregnant.


I totally agree with you on the focus thing - I am over those blogs that just show pics of peoples kids - I can't stand looking at my own kids - why would I want to look at someone elses.

Or the blogs that are basically one big "I want - gimme gimme - I gotta have" wish list.

Oh and I DO love you unconditionally. Pregnant with an alien baby or not.

Kami said...

I knew you were pregnant! I can't wait to be the first to hold your alien baby.

Suzie said...

I love your voice. It is strong.

and this pregnancy will produce offspring, I am sure of it.
Perhaps even a sibling or two.

The Coolest Allen Family said...

Personally I would rather read a book written by someone who listens to Black Eyed Peas than Bach. So go on with your bad self! We will still be here.

rychelle said...

i can't wait to meet your alien-fetus-non-baby-book!

i have a feeling it's going to have your nose.

Emily said...

I adore your blog-- always have, always will. Also, since you recommended a poem to me via my blog (which I loved, by the way!), I'm going to return the favor and recommend that you read Anne Bradstreet's "The Author to Her Book." Happy pregnancy!

Annie said...

one more little ryan and tiffany would not be a bad thing. neither would a lovely book. i support you.

L said...

Your blogging tripe and twaddle are my reading treasures. So,continue to spew forth the nonsensical madness to your heart's (and schedule's)content.
Lisa H

Travelin'Oma said...

Marta and I were up til 4 am having this same conversation! I wish you'd been here. Very well said.

shannon p. said...

I always LOVE what you write, so I'd be amazed and astounded if you did any better. Well, actually I would be jealous; I'm already jealous, so I would be more jealous! I am on the verge of coveting your writing and who knows what path that could take me down...

aimee heff said...

I'll be the first to buy your book and pet your alien.

You have a forever fan even amongst your perceived sputters (putters and sputs).

Angie said...

Very interesting to see into the mind of someone in the middle of a book. I mean that. I'm sure it's a crazy experience. I'm excited to see the finished product.

By the way, I love the post about your sister, and can't believe how long your hair is!

Omgirl said...

You keep saying that. And then your blog keeps on being awesome. I'm not the slightest bit worried about you. I just wish you would stop mentioning your cookie catalogue...I am on a diet!

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