Monday, July 13, 2009

Life in the Lobby

Recently, Ryan cashed in some soon-t0-expire Sky Miles for magazine subscriptions.  (Did you know you can do that?  You can.)  

And now our family room feels eerily like a doctor's lobby, minus the fish tank.  Added to our regular subscriptions, there is a plethora of current reading material at arm's length for every member of the family. 

Our lobby includes (but is not limited to):
  • People
  • Time
  • Glamour
  • Sports Illustrated
  • Sports Illustrated for Kids
  • National Geographic for Kids
  • Philadelphia
  • Game Transformer
  • Martha Stewart Living
  • Real Simple 
I have to say that I'm enjoying life in the doctor's lobby.  There is always something to peruse.  And I like to peruse.  I even like just saying the word "peruse."

What do I do for a hobby?  I peruse magazines.

And I find that the more I peruse, the more I begin to speak in headlines.  Instead of calling my family to dinner, I shout: "A Budget-Friendly Dinner that Beats the Bistro!"

When Ryan and I sit alone on the porch,  I whisper in his ear, "Want to Know the 7 Things Women Can't Resist?"

When my children are restless and whining, I gather them at my feet and direct, "Say NO to a Sluggish Summer with 10 Easy Projects for Kids."

You see, what people who live in doctors' lobbies know that the rest of us don't is that life's biggest issues can generally be managed in five simple steps.  Sometimes less.  And with the use of a lot of alliteration.

I have to say, though, that I'm having sort of a strange conditioned response to one of my glossies.  The only time I ever purchased People magazine in the past was at the airport or gas station before a trip somewhere.  I always found it enjoyable to catch up on the latest celebrity gossip and hometown hero at the beginning of a vacation; it was my pre-furlough meditation.

But now when People shows up in my mailbox (every WEEK, by the way) I have a strange, unsettling feeling that I should hurry and pack my bags.  I'm trying to cope by reading the magazine and then promptly taking a trip to Costco.

And speaking of Costco, have you seen the giant magazine rack there?  Your Favorite Reads Now at Reduced Rates!

Oh dear.

This is getting out of control, isn't it?  Perhaps I need a doctor appointment.


Leslie said...

Tiffany's Blog: Better Than Any Magazine!

KimmyGoat said...

Ryan is not the only husband cashing in Sky Miles for magazines. If only my husband had Ryan's taste! People?! Am so jealous.

P.S. Better late than never, but I LOVE the new blog design. I wish Google Reader weren't so sterile.

Kim said...

My mother-in-law keeps me in a People subscription indefinitely. She's not sure how ones survives without one. I hope the MD has a cure for your perusing.

DeAnn said...

I did the same thing recently. I HAD to get something out of those skymiles. I now get Entertainment Weekly -- which I have NEVER read in the past. Don't tell anyone -- but I kinda like it.

MiaKatia said...

You crack me up! I love the way you think/write. I wish any of my doctor's office had these magazines. I get Arthritis Today and Guns n Ammo. I think I need new doctors ;)

Becky said...

I look forward to my monthly hair appointments so that I can catch up on all the celebrity gossip in People. I think having my own subscription would make it harder to sit patiently in that chair-as I would have nothing to help pass the time. Either that or it would make me feel like I need a hair cut every day. You are a funny lady! Thanks for the laugh! And I LOVE your new blog design!!

Kami said...

You get People Weekly?! jealous. I get MS Living and Real Simple. This month's Real Simple is awesome, I loved it!

I so am using this method to call my family to dinner. :) Love it!

Soul-Fusion said...

This is hilarious but I must admit I am not really a magazine person. I somehow started getting one called Health (not sure where it came from, maybe it was a hint from someone?) and I loved it at first but after 3 I feel they are all the same. I did get InStyle for a couple of years and I really liked it but not enough to renew the subscription.

courtney said...

you're so dead right about solving everything in 5 easy steps. why didn't i know this before?

you should consider writing a self-help book comprised of all of the headlines from the mags.

"five easy steps to life's happiness"

Angie said...

This is pretty much awesome. Your talking in headlines is clever indeed.

I love magazines. But I find that they pile up quickly. My roommate has two subscriptions that come weekly, and after about 6 weeks we have to move the piles of magazines to find the furniture. That's a bit much.

Christy said...

So funny, I so needed to laugh today. thanks1

Mindi said...

ummmm......hello? you are missing the best one: us weekly!!

i like to refer to it as 'people-lite'--it has basically all the same photos and fluff, just without the life-changing stories about somebody beating cancer or a couple who adopted 12 children.

shallow and superficial, just how i like it!

congrats on coming over to the dark side!

Omgirl said...

I hate magazines. I really do. There are only two that I'll read: National Geographic and Time. Mostly, they're not in depth enough. Just as I start getting interested, the article ends. I will glance at a magazine at the doctor's if I forget my iTouch. But I'm always glad to leave them on the exam table when I go. I'm weird, I guess.

tiburon said...

I heart People. And Real Simple :)

Whitney said...

Just a heads up on the skymiles - you don't have to cash them all in to "reactivate" them. If you buy 1 magazine subscription, it restarts the expiration date on the rest of the miles. But it didn't stop me from getting both Martha Stewart and Time.

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