Wednesday, July 15, 2009

101 Thoughts

1. The plants need watering.
2. It's a good morning for German Pancakes.
3. The forecast is unbelievable--80s for days and days.
4. I need to use the gift certificate for my pedicure.
5. I haven't seen those jazzy glitter toes out here in the east.
6. We're trying to figure out our weekend plans.
7. Every day Max asks to go to the swimming pool.
8. Every day we go to the swimming pool.
9. Alison taught me to love life poolside.
10. Sitting at the pool is learned relaxation.
11. I have needed to go to the store for days now.
12. When I realized last night that I had at least one more kitchen bag, I decided to put off going to the store for at least another day or two.
13. No matter how hard I work at taking off my makeup at night, I still wake up with mascara smudges.
14. I am head-over-heels for summer.
15. I think I'll go for a walk.
16. I wonder if Ryan will go with me.
17. I like morning walks.
18. Ryan likes night walks.
19. I'm always afraid we'll get run over during night walks.
20. There are no street lights or sidewalks here.
21. Safety first.
22. I love it when I make Ryan laugh.
23. I love it when I make Christian laugh.
24. I hate farting.
25. I need an eye appointment.
26. Lucy is sleeping on the rug next to me.
27. There must be a gravitational pull, her to me.
28. Tuesday is garbage day.
29. I bought fabric in Utah to replace my kitchen valances.
30. The old valances are nice, but a bit "Grandma Gribble."
31. Ryan invented the term "Grandma Gribble."
32. Grandma Gribble: A decorating style that is overfilled with floral patterns and slightly tacky sentimental objects.
33. There's more to the definition of Grandma Gribble Style, but that will get you started.
34. Every three days I care about eating right.
35. Those other two days I do quite a bit of damage.
36. I have a split personality in the dieting department.
37. Last night I dreamt that the extra weight I'm carrying around is actually a baby.
38. When you look at it in that light--that I'm 13 months pregnant--I haven't put on much weight at all!
39. My dream the night before included an exciting heist with a big money prize at the end. 
40. Right before we pulled things off, I had a sudden revelation, "Oh my gosh. This is illegal.  We're going to go to prison."
41. I almost committed a serious crime in my dream.
42. I usually don't remember my dreams.
43. Good job, dreams, for being entertaining lately.
44. I don't know why, but paying the bills makes me sick and happy all at the same time.
45. I can't believe how many bills there are in the world.
46. I think I've solved my problem of folding laundry, but not putting it away.
47. I fold the laundry in my bedroom now, right in the middle of the floor.
48. I immediately want to put it away.
49. If that idea didn't work, I was going to start folding laundry in the driveway.
50. The other night, our kids were out catching fireflies.
51. I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm ever going to get over fireflies.
52. Their butts light up and glow!!!
53. Imagine all the things you could do with a glowing butt!
54. I have been making strawberry-mango smoothies in the morning.
55. Strawberries and mangos make a great pair.
56. Unlikely, yes, but great.
57. Just like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.
58. The pool opens in two hours.
59. I wonder if I can get everything I want done before then?
60. I have come a long way in my relationship with semi-colons.
61. I have also come a long way in my toenail fungus treatment.
62. Only two toes are still showing symptoms.
63. See what happens when I dedicate myself to something?
64. Two years ago, I never used semi-colons and my feet were infested.
65. I love the word infested.
66. I also love the word facilitate. 
67. I love it when Max says, "hand sanitizer."
68. I also love it when Max tries to say Abraham Lincoln: "Hammerlan Lincoln"
69. The oven is almost pre-heated.
70. Ryan just came downstairs dressed for work.
71. What is up with that?
72. I'm not going to talk about it much, but his summer schedule is amazing.
73. I guess there had to be something to make 12 years of college worth it.
74. I'm running a Kids Writing Camp this summer.
75. Yesterday was our first camp.
76. I don't know why the word "camp" is involved; we sat at my kitchen table for two hours.
77. Summer camp is HUGE here.  Everybody's kids go to "camps" all summer long.
78. I had to invent a camp for my kids to go to.
79. And in the spirit of "camp" I didn't clean my kitchen floor before they showed up.
80. (Did you notice the covert use of a semi-colon in number 76?)
81. I think the first camp was successful.
82. Nobody wrote about farts and I didn't strangle anyone.
83. Here we are, all the way at 83.
84. I think I will clean the bathrooms today.
85. Cleaning the bathrooms makes me feel like a responsible adult.
86. I enjoy occasionally feeling like a responsible adult.
87. I made my own roasted tomato marinara sauce the other day.
88. I was inspired by the roasted tomato soup my mom made for us in Utah.
89. My marinara was tasty, but maybe too acidic.
90. After dinner, Ryan and I went downstairs to watch a movie.  
91. I tried to snuggle up to him, but after three seconds I had to sprawl out on the other side of the couch.
92. "Sorry, honey, but I'm just so bloated."
93. We share many romantic moments like this.
94. When was the last time you really thought about your elbows?
95. Two seconds ago for me.
96. Elbows often complain of experiencing feelings of neglect and rejection.
97. I made a morose joke at a church meeting yesterday. 
98. We were brainstorming pioneer activities for the kids to do.
99. I suggested that we could have them dig shallow graves.
100. Only one out of three people got it.
101. I thought it was a pretty good joke.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Too funny! Only you shouldn't be so hard on yourself! You look great!

Jesse C said...

Hilarious Tiff.

p.s. I get the pioneer joke.

Becky said...

Great list! You are a very funny lady! Now I've had my Tiff fix for the day- time to go mop the kitchen.

Kim said...

101 thoughts? I barely have one!

Heather said...

Great list...just FYI on Amazon.com a year subscription to REAL SIMPLE magazine is $5.00 right now. Just in case you wanted to add to your office lobby :)

rychelle said...

i really miss lightning bugs. i haven't seen one since i was kid.

Tiffany said...

I'm very impressed with your progress in semi-colons.

Soul-Fusion said...

#27 gave me that stinging sensation in the eyes and nose - I thought I was over that part but it was just so, so sweet.

Donna said...

Love the covert semi-colon; I didn't even notice.

Lance said...

Here I am at work trying to have a serious phone call with a vendor and I read your blog and continuously blow snot out my nose and make strange, guttural laughing sounds for 5 minutes. You absolutely rock. Or, as the Amish would say, "Thou rockest!"

Omgirl said...

Oh, so many comments to make. How shall I narrow it down?
1) VERY funny joke. I'm definitely going to try that activity with my kids on Pioneer Day
2) I must congratulate you on your advancements in the semi-colon department; impressive.
3) I am going to write a post on folding and putting away laundry. Just for you. You and the 8 million other women who struggle with it. Cause it's my favorite.

MiaKatia said...

I love fireflies. They are magic. I have an entire extra bedroom for folding laundry. The kids come down every few days grab their pile and put it away. Except that their version of putting away totally defeats the purpose of folding. I love that you made your own camp. I got your joke, I just would have felt to guilty to laugh. Yeah right, I totally would have laughed.

Kami said...

Their Butts light up and Glow (Three Exclamation Marks!). That one was my favorite.

buddens said...

Ha! I can't believe people didn't get that last one! It's hilarious!

I don't know what happened to my feed to your blog but it just stopped working, and I guess I just assumed you weren't posting. That is until Kami mentioned you and I realized you HAD been posting, and I, just missing out! Thanks for the good laugh!

Angie said...

That was a pretty good joke!

MMMMM - the pool.

writer John said...

Shallow graves?! You kill me.

And it helps me realize how some of the really awful ideas get implemented in pioneer reenactment activities. The first person, for instance, to suggest that a bunch of city-raised teenagers should have to kill, pluck, clean, and cook a chicken was sooooo obviously going for laughs. But someone far stuffier took them seriously. And voila! A whole generation of vegetarians!

Mindi said...

i got the shallow graves immediately. then wondered if i should feel guilty for lol AND considering it one of the greatest dry humor quotes of all times.

no guilt here.

and i ALWAYS have mascara under my eyes in the morning! and in the afternoon and in the night, unfortunately.

Becky, yep said...

HI TIFF!
I asked Birdy (my littlest stinker) where her elbow was today and she touched her head... I hear ya #96!

shannon p. said...

You always crack me up! I would love to hear Max say "hand sanitizer". In our home, it is just one word according to Adelaide & Thatcher - "hanitizer"

I love your joke and yes feel guilty for laughing - but then again, you are funny!

tiburon said...

I heart random Tiffany. she is a keeper.

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