Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Some Thoughts On Personal Safety

I passed a frog on my walk yesterday. He was crossing my path, making his way from the little pond, across the road and toward the lake. It's strange to encounter animals that you're used to seeing only in animation. His slow, deliberate hop was so grandiose, it was like a caricature of a real frog. I guess I thought real frogs were much less dramatic. Perhaps he was an actor frog. 

His long legs extended at least a foot launching him into a wet plop on the asphalt as he began his real life game of Frogger. (Lucky for him, it wasn't rush hour.) He seemed to be in no hurry, resting thoughtfully in my path. It makes no sense, but I was nervous as I got close, as I am with all animals despite their size. I know I'm bigger, more threatening, and higher on the food chain, but I don't like taking anything for granted. I want to be ready for any surprise attack or sudden, threatening moves such as whipping out a tiny banjo and singing about rainbows. 

I passed him without incident, keeping my 3.3 mph pace. I got a few strides beyond him when I felt that eerie feeling of being watched. By the frog. I whipped around, one hand in karate position, the other securing my phone for a call to 911 if necessary. He pretended to ignore me.

14 comments:

Leslie said...

You can never be too careful!

Jesse C said...

I get jumpy around frog too. No pun intended.

Julie Edmonds said...

I think i have left this same comment on a few of your posts but YOU ARE SO FUNNY.

jennie w. said...

Did he start singing "Everybody do the Michigan Rag". No? Does anyone even know what I'm talking about. Then I'll shut up.

Mindi said...

tiffany, i realize that i have become what i used to fear most: a silent, non-commenting, stalker(ish) type reader.

so, here's my two cents: i love you. i love the way you write.

i love that you got tickets to paris for half what the average woman spends on jeans. i love that you have a moley-moley-mole.

in short? you are divine. and i still need that head of hair.


xoxo.

Ms. Fish said...

You saw right through the frog's pretense. Smarty pants!

Ms. Fish said...

Hey Tiffany, BTW... I see on your side bar links you have a link to Justin Hackworth's 30 Strangers. That's cool!! He's my brother. I love him and I love that project. Thanks for linking that!

alex dumas said...

It would be fun to wander around in your mind.

Kate said...

I like frogs. When I was a kid, I'd catch them in my grandpa's ditch and carry them around in a wet sock. True story.

Becky said...

You are such a funny girl! And such a great writer too.

Angie said...

Do you remember the cartoon on the Bugs Bunny/Looney Tunes show about the man who found a frog that could dance and sing, "Hello my baby hello my darling hello my ragtime gal..." but then the frog wouldn't dance or sing when the man tried to put him on stage? I do. You should keep your eyes out for that kind of frog.

sarah said...

I felt the same way many times about the deer I would encounter on my walks in northern San Diego. You just never know with those guys!

ps I love reading your blog!

Omgirl said...

I think your fear was justified. I have watched AFV plenty, and every once in a while a frog leaps on some poor suspecting person's face. While I'm not sure any damage was done, it was probably scary and certainly left some slime. For those people, I think a good karate chop would have been in order, had they thought of it. I applaud your foresight.

littlegypsy. said...

oh, you make me laugh!!! :)

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