Saturday, June 12, 2010

Your Questions, Answered

Oopsie!  I've been ignoring my questions on Formspring lately.

Question: Can you define yourself in 25 words or less?

Answer: No.

Real answer: I am a work-in-progress, glass-half-full, people-pleasing, laugher, eater, mother, wife, writer, sister, penny-in-the-fountain wisher, and lover of hyphenated words. (Is that less than 25?)

Question: Pros and cons to short and long curly hair?

Answer: Oh dear, prepare yourself with some strong caffeine, I'm about to write about my hair. I've spent the last two years growing my curly hair out. I had been sporting short curly hair for more than a decade and decided that at 31 years-old, this was my last window to grow my hair out. I envisioned that I would spend the remainder of my thirties with long, (artificially) golden locks. (And then I will mark my fortieth birthday with a short haircut and the purchase of several pair of mom jeans.) So I started growing it out. For what purpose? Perhaps to be able to answer this question.

The pros of long, curly hair are that when the stars align and the Hair Gods are pleased with the sacrifices made, a mane of long curly hair can be kind of spectacular and lovely. (Think Felicity and Carrie Bradshaw.) However, the reality is that the Hair Gods are extremely fickle and harder to please than a Jewish mother-in-law, which brings me to the cons of curly hair: most days my hair looks a little meh. (Think various, un-named muppets.) Plus, long hair (curly or straight) is hot in the summer. Most days I am sporting the loose, french twist with a spray of curls at the top, which sounds way more attractive than it actually is.

Now, for short curly hair. The pros are that you get a lot more good hair days, it is easier to straighten, and it's ever so sassy. Plus, you use a lot less product. The cons? Hmmmm. Crap, I can't think of any. This explains my secret desire to whack my hair off again.

Alright, I'm done writing about my hair. If you are still reading this, pat yourself on the back because you deserve it, Champ.

Question: Do you get depressed?

Answer: No and yes. I have definitely felt depressed at times in my life, but I don't think I have ever suffered clinical, long-term depression. My lowest lows were during times of great stress and also postpartum. I have been through some tough crap, trust me. I'm remembering one time in my life in particular right now. Christian was a baby, Ryan was in graduate school, and I had taken a second job on top of my full time job to keep us afloat. I was a mess inside and out. I felt like I was failing in every single area of my life and also felt guilty for bringing a baby into the world, only to spend most of my days away from him. I was definitely on the roller coaster of postpartum hormones and first-time-mother insecurities. I had occasional? frequent? thoughts that my family would be better off without me.

Another unfortunate thing going on in my head was a fear of leaning on Ryan. He had suffered from depression in the past and I was fearful that if I leaned on him, we might both topple over. It was faulty thinking, and I regret it.

Here's another thing about me: I have a hard time recognizing that I need help, and an even harder time asking for it. I don't remember the exact circumstances, but one day I was taking a drive with my dear friend Angie, and I opened up to her. Sort of an emotional vomit all over the front seat of her little white Honda. That was a big moment for me. And she responded with kindness and concern. She was willing to help me get help if I needed it, or give me a shoulder to cry on it if that would fit the bill. I felt immediate relief. (Did I ever thank you properly, Angie? Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!) Everything was going to be alright, she told me. My unhappiness was temporary, she assured me. It was everything she said that made me feel better, but it was also the sweet relief of having someone shoulder my burden. And it meant the world to me.

If you need help, it's okay to ask for it. That's a message for all of us, myself included.

Question: Did (or do) you hope to have a third child?

Answer: Sometimes I have, and sometimes I haven't. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. That's the truth. Ryan tells me that one of the most grownup things we can do in life is accept our ambivalence about things. Look at me, all grownup.

Alright, that's enough for now, isn't it? Thanks for asking your questions.  I'll be posting soon about another question that's popped up a couple of times in my inbox about how I got my job and how to go about finding freelance writing work.

Until then, happy weekend!

11 comments:

Kate said...

Yay for short curly hair! I love mine. I'm secretly envious of your long curls though.

ps. I'll add another benefit to short hair. I love that because my cut has to be maintained, I can play around with slightly different cuts that only last 6 weeks.

Donna said...

Most of the time, I think about really deep, important things. Really deep. But when I'm not thinking about those deep, deep things, I'm usually thinking about my hair, and the long v short dilemma is always right there at the top. I'm also growing my hair out long after years of short (though my hair is of the curl-challenged variety) and most days I don't know why either.
OK, that's enough about my hair-- just thought I'd take advantage of everyone's caffiene high.

Artax said...

"Ryan tells me that one of the most grownup things we can do in life is accept our ambivalence about things."

I like this. I like this a lot. I am suddenly feeling all mature. See why I like your writing? It makes me laugh, it makes me think, and I go away feeling all grown up, too. Thanks!

Becky said...

This was fun to read! I love your hair long or short. I so wish I had your curls!! Happy weekend to you too!

buddens said...

Oh goodness, the curly hair! I'm so there with you - except that I prefer your type of curl to mine. Mine is all ringlety and so dang curly, I have often longed for the awesome surfer girl look. Alas, here I am. But I so agree with the long/short debacle! Long is so awesome when it's awesome and I secretly hoped for hidden cameras to capture my image as I drove my minivan around to Target and Trader Joe's. But those days usually came when I was home with nowhere to go. That combined with a sever case of post-partum hair fallout, and I chopped my locks about a week ago. Such freedom, and soooo many more good hair days.

MiaKatia said...

Isn't hair so great! All the ways we can wear it. I am wearing mine long right now and it took all my will power not to cut it all off at the beginning of the summer. I am ambivalent about it being long. And I accept my own ambivalence, thanks for the permission. It is nice to have! There are also a couple of other things I am ambivalent about and it really is kind of freeing to know that is ok.

kami @ no biggie said...

You and I are opposite when it comes to hair. I can't wait until mine is long...er again.

I like you with both long and short.

ps. I love the ambivalence thing. I need to figure it all out one of these days. ugg.

Soul-Fusion said...

Since you brought up hair . . . mine has been growing for a while now and I have no explanation except maybe I also feel this is the last window where I can get away with it. But then sometimes I suddenly want it really short. But with my stick-straight hair, long is much easier to throw up in a twist or a pony-tail with absolutely no effort requried. Thanks for the hair therapy.

Angie said...

You're welcome. I'm a little teary right now, and very glad that I could help, because you are one of my favorite people on this earth.

Kelly S. said...

I would give my left foot for your hair. Granted, it is a very damaged foot, but still I would gladly walk (limp) around with your hair. It is so awesome. Short or long.(Insert jealous sigh here)

Christy said...

Thanks for your honesty. It is so refreshing & makes me feel normal.

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