Monday, February 15, 2010

Winter Angst Poetry Winners!

A great, big, fat Thank You to everyone who entered the Winter Angst Poetry Contest! The poetry was fabulous and filled with animosity--just the way I like it. The judging was difficult, but I have finally finished and I now present to you the 2010 Winter Angst Poetry Contest winners:

First Place and winner of 25 ordinary dollars to Target is Lindsay E., who made the deadline by only three minutes! Well done, Lindsay, this poem made me laugh, think, and applaud:

Boo, Precipitation
Trek up into the mountains, where You'll see amidst the frostbitten air
Each creature, slumbering in its lair--

Glance up into the icy sky
You'll see no swallows soaring by
(The cold discourages them to fly)--

Listen as the snow falls down
You'll hear no critters bustle about
No screeches, whispers, not a sound--

Yet even as snow crystals form
And animals slumber to stay warm,
The humans never halt their swarm--

I wonder as the chilly day
Ends early despite my pleas to stay:
Who are we to mess with nature's way?--

The great grizzled bear, in all his power
Knows its best to sleep through winter's shower
Of hellish freezing hour by hour--

The tiniest insects--even them!
Have figured winter shall condemn
Agony surpassing even Eminem--

But we, as humans, are expected
To carry on our tasks selected,
Ignore the chill, freckles neglected--

I curse at those on beaches clad
In bikinis, warmed by boyfriend Brad
Sneer when some say, "Not so bad--"

The winter air invades my lungs,
Freezes my teeth, my tongue and gums,
Makes me jealous of William Hung--

Why wear fur boots when sandals are better?
Why an embarrassing reindeer print sweater?
No more crap snow from the gods of the weather--

I curl upon my couch, and then
I take a notebook, and a pen
And draw my magical summer den--

The white blanket on the world will thaw
And creatures of the world withdraw
From their warm caves and stand in awe--

But humans do not have a clue,
Did not hide like the lower beasts do
We, like idiots, struggled through--

Next winter, I shall grow brown hair
Crawl into some rocky lair
And sleep through winter, like a bear--

Second Place, and winner of an anti-winter mix CD is Arianne, who wrote this incredible piece of haiku that I now have memorized:

Winter Haiku
February child

Spawned when trampy December
Flashed January.

And because I couldn't resist this angsty piece by Josh, I am awarding another Second Place prize for this fun-to-say-out-loud gem:

Numb noses,
Sick sweaters,
Slimy slush.

Truck's totalled,
Finger's froze
Grim and gray.

Windy wasteland,
Black, blecht, blah.

Winter whomps. 

Third Place, and winner of three of the magnets from my fridge is no other than my own mother, Linda, who has always had a knack with words:

I Hate Winter
I hate winter
Splits like splinters
Wreck my fingers
Frizz my hair

I hate winter
Falls are scary
Makes me wary

I hate winter
Winds are chilling
Need a break

I hate winter
Foods too tempting
Fitness exempting
Pass the cake

In the Honorable Mention category, I have chosen this poem by Jennie W., which made me chuckle (and, boy, do I love to chuckle!):

Untitled Haiku
It may be Texas

But cold is all relative
And I am freezing

And this poem, by Angie, whose titled had me smiling with delight: 

Insert String of Obscenities Here
Scraping ice off the windshield

Stupid @*#! winter.

Once again, thank you to everyone who participated. Winners, I will contact you by email to arrange shipping of your prizes.

Now, let's bring on the spring! 


Katie H said...

These are great! I always always admire poets. I mean it. I'm afraid I would have filled mine with too many obscenities. I have had it with winter, snow, the cold...yuck.

Congrats, winners! These were so fun to read.

jennie w. said...

I would like to thank the academy . . . .

Obviously both my sister and I had the same 6th grade teacher who was really into haiku.

Omgirl said...

That last line of your mother's poem made me laugh! So TRUE!!!

Thanks for the award. And for making me use my half-hybernated brain again. And for placing my poem above my sister's. (Sibling rivalry never sleeps.)

Angie said...

Very good work from all!

Girl said...

Oh, my. Thank you so much, Tiffany. I knew we were kindred-sarcastic-winter-hating-clever spirits.
But the February/December/January haiku is my new favorite thing ever.

Shua said...

Woohoo!! Thanks Tiffany!

Soul-Fusion said...

these are awesome! Especially since I am currently working inside a snow globe.

Lindy-Lou said...

I'm verklempt. And cold. Thanks for the H.M., Tiff. Great poems all! So fun to read.
PS. Sadly my stainless steel fridge is not magnetic. What's with that??? I obviously don't understand magnetism. So how about a little pad of post-it's in lieu of magnets. And just hold on to my prize. We'll be there before you can say, "Is that a bud on my tree???"

Lindy-Lou said...

Holy Cow! I got a Bronze! I was so enjoying everyone's poems, I missed that! I was thrilled to have been mentioned at all. Thanks again.

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