Tuesday, January 12, 2010

More Leaping, Less Looking

Oprah would be so proud of me. I had an "aha" moment in the car this morning so profound that I pulled over and wrote it out in my notebook. I'm not sure it was generally profound, more like personally profound. You probably figured it out years ago. I don't think I can explain it properly because so much is contextual and historical, but the gist of it is that I'm going to create a big, messy preschool painting for God to hang on His fridge.

See? I knew it would be hard to explain.

Okay, I'll take a stab at explaining it.

I'm going to live a big, vibrant, messy, wrinkly, colorful life filled with risks and mistakes and lessons learned the hard way. It's even going to have little pieces of dried macaroni glued to it to represent my love of carbohydrates.

I think I have held myself back for too long in a conscious effort to avoid making mistakes. And while I've been relatively successful at avoiding many big mistakes, I have closed the door on too many things (experiences, opportunities, even people) because there was a risk of failure. Or it seemed scary. Or unnecessary. Or irresponsible. Or illogical. Fill in the blank.

For 32 years, I have equated mistakes with failure, which is the biggest mistake of all. And speaking of failure, what's so bad about failing every now and then? Every painting needs some dark tones, and besides that, black is slimming.

The irony, of course, is that I've made plenty of mistakes along the way. So, the only things I really avoided were opportunities to have my mind and experience expanded. And the absolute last thing I want out of life is a narrow mind. The very thought of it makes me claustrophobic.

So that's what happened to me in the car this morning. In a vortex of heated seats, indie music, and winding country roads, I figured out that this canvas of my life is waiting not for my carefully crafted portrait, but for my big, sloppy, masterpiece. With dried macaroni.

23 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I love this! I agree that mistakes are all part of the journey.

Kim said...

Congrats on your "aha" moment. I love macaroni.

Andria said...

Brilliant! I've been reading your blog for a few days and you make me laugh and you make me think. Thank you so much for sharing your "aha" moment with little ol' me.

Soul-Fusion said...

leaping is the greatest, best of luck!

Katie H said...

I loved this. I've been afraid for too many years of failure, or messing up.

And after a particularly crappy day, this gave me hope & inspiration to start anew. So thank you. :)

Becky said...

Can I copy your aha moment? I LOVE it! I want to live like that too! You inspire me friend!

Kellybee said...

Well said, girl.

Anonymous said...

I'm bawling! I can only imagine "He" is thrilled with the painting you have created so far!

heidi b

Krista ... said...

What a GREAT post. i love this. and can't wait to see what you paint.

Leslie said...

I've cleaned up several messy "mistakes" today, and you're right, it's all part of learning.

If I ever try to house-break a dog and potty train a child at the same time again, just shoot me. :)

Mindi said...

two thumbs WAY UP!!!

i so, SO relate to this, tiffany--i have avoided risks in my life that could have been complete disasters.

but they could also have been my very coolest, crowning-glory-type watershed moments. and i regret that.

now, can i just live vicariously through YOU? :) (oh, my--i'm hopeless.)

you give me courage!

Kami said...

I love Tiffany. and carbs.

Love this post.

Suzie said...

You have made me feel better about my messy life.
That risky business venture years ago?
Akin to finger painting blindfolded.

I want to buy you a big magnet with a Sparkly letter T for the fridge.
:)

Simon said...

Great idea. Looking forward to your first mistake with bated breath.

Jesse C said...

Love it Tiff. Simple and profound.

alex dumas said...

I approve. And wish I could feel that way too.

MiaKatia said...

What a great moment. Thanks for sharing the aha! One I have been trying to learn for a long time. Can you imagine all the exciting things we will get to experience if we just take a chance. Like I said, a lesson I'm trying to learn.

Christy said...

And this is why I love you! So well said. I think it's my favorite post ever!

Donna said...

I'm glad you had your notebook handy. If I ever had one of those moments in the car, I would forget it by the time I got home.

Good luck failing! er- you know...

Lindy-Lou said...

Ok. I think you may be ready for this: Please run for President in 2012. I'll make posters. Of course they will be on poster board with markers, but that's what this is all about, right? j/k about the posters. Keep us 'posted'. I believe in you. Always have.

Shannon said...

Hey, you had an etiffany!

You know if you look up close at the brush marks of the greatest masterpieces, they are just a mess of colorful blobs. But when you take a couple of steps back--that's when you see the real beauty.

At least that's what I keep telling myself. :)

Angie said...

Nice. I've kind of had the same thing going through my head lately. I've lived too long with "when I get married" going through my head, and have passed up opportunities to just live my life as it is. Good luck to us both.

Omgirl said...

That's awesome! So what's on your list of things to do now that you've thrown caution to the wind?

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