Thursday, November 12, 2009

I'm Refusing to Call This Random!

  • The Valentine catalog has begun.
  • And I am waiting for inspiration and motivation.
  • Every hour, on the hour, I send Inspiration and Motivation a text message:
  • Where R U guys? R U coming soon?
  • I think they are mad at me; they never text back.
  • Speaking of texting,
  • It took me a loooooong time to use text-speech, like "R U" and such.
  • It felt like such a betrayal of my english degree.
  • Except that I don't have an english degree.
  • But, I like to pretend I have one.
  • I practically have one.
  • And practically having an english degree is pretty much the same as having one.
  • I actually have a psychology degree.
  • Which is of the same exact value as a practically-had english degree.
  • R U following this?
  • I had my hair done this morning.
  • Blondification of the roots.
  • I am the youngest client of the salon.
  • By about 15 years.
  • Many, many, mature women have sat next to me under the dryers.
  • I didn't realize it until roughly my third visit, when I noticed a place for walker parking.
  • Just kidding, there is no walker parking.
  • They have to keep their walkers with them or they'll fall down.
  • Anyway, today while I was sitting under the dryers reading the AARP magazine, I got to thinking.
  • I thought that maybe the salon should give me a discount for being so young.
  • I mean, they seem really excited to have me as a client.
  • All that walking-on-my-own and everything.
  • I'm less likely to slip and fall in the parking lot and sue them.
  • And I never drink the complimentary water with Metamucil.
  • That's got to count for something!
  • The idea for a discount came because I'm always looking for ways to cut the costs of my hair maintenance.
  • Hair maintenance in the east is much more costly than it was in the west.
  • And I think a junior citizen discount would really help a lot.
  • One more funny thing about the hair salon is that the owner has a crush on my hair.
  • The owner is a very nice gay man.
  • But I'm telling you, he looks at my hair very lustfully.
  • I guess he's not into "straight" hair!
  • ROFL!
  • That reminds me.
  • Do you remember the first time you heard the term LOL?
  • I do.
  • I was instant messaging with a coworker at my old job and I said something funny and he typed back, "LOL."
  • And I was like, lol?
  • Lol?
  • And then I said it out loud, "Lol."
  • But it still didn't make any sense.
  • And then I said it real slow, "Laaaaawwwwwl."
  • But I still didn't get it.
  • So I figured it was a typo.
  • And I felt bad for him because I judge people for typos.
  • And then another day I sent a funny message and another coworker replied with "LOL" and I couldn't take it anymore, so I said, "What does 'LOL' mean?"
  • And then the Cool Police came and took my ID card away.
  • They probably could have predicted then and there that I'd end up patronizing the old bitty salon.
  • "Laugh Out Loud. It means 'Laugh Out Loud.'"
  • That's what my coworker said.
  • And even though I wasn't cool anymore, I was euphoric.
  • Because I had caused someone (two people, actually) to laugh.
  • Out loud.
  • But eventually, the euphoria wore off.
  • Because eventually I came to understand that there is nothing literal about LOL.
  • People are big, fat liars.
  • I see people texting and IMing everywhere I go.
  • AND NOBODY IS LAUGHING OUT LOUD!
  • But they claim to be!
  • Oh, how they claim to be!
  • And then, as soon as I caught on to this LOL-scheme, they came up with ROFL.
  • (Which I also had to have explained to me.)
  • And I was like, really?
  • You expect me to believe that people are actually rolling around on the floor in a fit of laughter?
  • I WANT PROOF!
  • A phenomenon like that would surely have ended up on the evening news once or twice.
  • "A close call today in a downtown office building where hundreds of employees were found on their cubicle floors rolling around. What was first considered a medical pandemic, turned out to be just a really funny joke."
  • The irony is that the true definition of "ROFL" is probably closer to "LOL."
  • And the true definition of "LOL" is probably closer to "You think you are funny and I'm too nice to argue with you."
  • Do u agree?

29 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I still don't talk text talk in my texts. I type everything out!

Jesse C said...

That was a doozy Tiff, a real classic. LMBO.

(Laughing my brains out)

Soul-Fusion said...

I can't bring myself to text type. And yesterday I had to refrain myself from judging this text I received: "Lol! Yup. No workie! Thanks 4 the msg. Just lookn @ a boat" The Lol (not even properly capatilized) and numbers subed for words makes my skin crawl. Of course, my texts are probably annoyingly long with their full sentences and punctuation.

Ali said...

Tx 4 the LOL.

But I'm bluffing, because I can't text - my phone does this predictive texting thing and never says what I want. And the punctuation is dire.

Now I regret laughing at my mother for never learning to programme the VCR. Seems the gene that controls Luddite behaviour is a dominant one.

Dede said...

OK, so does that mean the email you sent me the other day with LOL actually meant, "You think you are funny and I'm too nice to argue with you." :)

Cathy said...

Nice one, Jesse C. I was thinking LMBO meant laughing my bum off (or butt if that's not a bad word in your house). And I've never written LOL. Ever. Until just now. I hardly ever laugh out loud in real life so why would I write it?

Anonymous said...

LOL! That was too funny!Ttyl!(Talk to you later!)I read all sorts of things into this one! I am so glad my friend straightened me out!

heidi b.

Ginnie said...

I thought I'd be an original & say LOL! But everyone beat me to it.

YWTSF&BTWHTC?
That's text talk for
You're way too stinkin' funny &
by the way
how's the constipation?

Kim said...

Brian and I could give you some valentine inspiration. Just bring over some Mrs. Fields cookies (the milk choc choc chip and/or double choc chip). We will then feed each other the aforementioned cookies while reciting poerty. You can sit in the corner with your notebook and let the ideas flow. Too wierd?

Meg said...

I recently found your blog and I love it. Just thought you should know that I'm reading so I don't feel so much like a stalker. :) And it took me forever to figure out what LOL means too. That was back in the days of AOL.

Becky said...

I love your honesty :) I never did admit that I had no idea what LOL meant. I just played along, until one day it hit me. Duh. Random or not- your posts always brighten my day!

Kami said...

I knew it! I knew you judged me for my typos.

funny story, I have a friend who ends ever text with LOL and she recently sent out a text saying that she had a new number, so I said "prove it!", and she responded with LOL and I knew right away that it was her.

Angie said...

I honestly had never heard of rolf until just now, and I'm glad you told me what it meant because I had no idea. I also remember asking someone what lol meant.

People should be jealous of your hair. Aren't men who work with hair and makeup the best? I love the men at the makeup counters.

I hope you don't judge me too much for my typos. I make lots, and I'm no good at editing my own stuff. Sorry.

Tiffany said...

Confession: I really don't judge people for typos. I make too many myself!

Tiffany said...

I've had a hard time getting a hold of Motivation and Inspiration as well. If you talk to them, tell them to text me. LOL

And normally, when I use LOL, it means, "I'm letting you know I just said something funny, so please laugh."

Lindy-Lou said...

I'm letting you know, it's true. Again. TFTL
(Thanks for the laughs.)

alex dumas said...

Well, instead of random you could call it arbitrary. Not as cool?

i use text talk. its quicker.

Though I would never use it in a comment on a blog, unless I was showing someone how it's done.

I had to ask what LOL means too. And I, for one, laugh out loud. Even when I'm all alone. But I don't ever text LOL because I just think that's trendy. If it's cool, then I'm not.

Kate said...

I never text talk unless I absolutely have to in order to fit everthing I want to say into one message. (I have very limited texting, so every one counts.) I too look down upon those who "lol" and "haha" all the time. Are they really saying "haha"? No. Personally, I use smiley faces. Because I really do smile. :)

Annie said...

thanks for explaining rofl, i had no idea what it meant, and i had never heard of it til today. luckily i will be ultra cool when i am with my friends now!

Christy said...

This was the funniest post ever! I had to take great care not to fall off my chair from laughing so hard!

That stuff about your hair salon. Hilarious!

Emily Anne said...

Funny post! I never used "C U L8R" kind of talk. Just too confusing. :-)
Great blog!

michele said...

i love this post.

Omgirl said...

You don't know how relieved I was when I finally tried to text on my phone using "C? I M here 4 U" and realized it was actually way harder to do than typing out words. Becuase I too have an almost English degree and I was afraid someone was going 2 show up and take it away from me, LOL.

Suzie said...

wait, what does ROFL mean?
IM2SLO

jennie w. said...

I still can't bring myself to type stuff like "r u busy 2?" I simply cannot do it! I have no English degree, just self-respect.

But my niece did tell me that you are totally lame if you capitalize LOL. It should only be in lowercase.

Guess that makes you a loser. lol.

jk!

jennie w. said...

I really am totally kidding. You are incredibly cool.

P.S. I had to call customer support for my last phone because I couldn't find the apostrophe. The tech support guy was like, "you want the apostrophe? why?"

Because I speak and write English, that's why!

MiaKatia said...

I never use text speak. I write it all out long hand. I just can't do it. I remember asking what lol meant too. But I am usually the last to know things so I don't even bother trying to figure it out, I ask. There are blog things I still don't get like "natch". I just nod my head and move on.

Tiffany said...

Generation Y, what does "natch" mean?

tiburon said...

I use "natch" a lot.

Naturally.

Natch.

I am not a fan of the lol.

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