Sunday, May 17, 2009

Cubing a Watermelon: The Cornerstone of My Self-Esteem

I learned something important today--there's just no way to make cubing a watermelon funny.  I'm going to write that down in my Big Book of Important Things to Remember, right under my entry entitled "Bouncing Checks: Not Nearly as Fun and Playful as it Sounds."  

Alright, here goes.  If you hate this video, just keep in mind that I gave you the improved version.  

(And don't forget--the camera adds 35 pounds.  Maybe 37.)



If this video was actually a DVD, I would add a special "Bonus Features" section where you could watch a behind-the-scenes interview in which I reveal that after we finished taping this, I proceeded to eat 88% of the watermelon and became painfully bloated.  

I always watch the bonus features on DVDs.  Always.  It never disappoints.

In other news, I'm delighted to announce the winners of the giveaway (drumroll, please):

Keri and Marialuigi!

Congratulations, ladies!  Please email me at tiffany{at}wouldbewritersguild{dot}com and supply me with your address and I will send you a special grab bag of my favorite things.  (Also, please let me know if you're allergic to anything, like peanuts or Amish people.)

28 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I wish I looked as good as you do in the kitchen!

aimee heff said...

My life is changed! I never really knew what to do with a watermelon. I always just made someone else cut them. Now I can be confident with the knife! Thanks.

And...I watched the whole thing and it was pretty entertaining. I am happy that no matter what you are feeling you can always come back to the knowledge that you are worth something because of your watermelon cubing skills. Everyone needs something. When I get sad at least I know that my coffee cake is the tastiest this side of the mississippi.

jennie w. said...

Wait, the pink part is what makes it sour? This is explaining a lot.

I just use a melon baller. It doesn't look as good as I always think it should. So mostly I just serve slices. They're a pain to eat, but what do I care?

Leslie said...

Seriously, I had no idea that you were that talented with watermelon. I'm not sure I have anything that I am equally good at. Hmmm. There goes my self-esteem. Maybe I'll cube a watermelon your way, and then take credit for it's fabulousness. Borrowed self-esteem seems less effective somehow. I think I need an appointment with Ryan now.

Krista said...

this was GREAT! i can't wait to try this out on the watermelon i got this weekend! really tiff...this was a fabulous tutorial. :)

Becky said...

The best educational entertainment I have seen in a long time. :) You never cease to amaze me! And it was so good to see you! And to hear Ryan as well. Nice job!

Soul-Fusion said...

confession: I only buy pre-cut watermelon. And if Saturday had gone more smoothly, I would have been able to plug a post on this fabulous new tomato/watermelon salad I made. But I didn't take a single photo so the tutorial would just consist of a link to the recipe. Next time I make it maybe I will be brave enough to cube the watermelon myself (and remember to take photos).

DeAnn said...

I can't believe you stole MY way of cutting watermelon - I mean - hey - my way of cutting watermelon is much better.

katie said...

I watched this whole thing. With four kids, I have to serve the white/pink parts. It's a lot of mouths to feed. Plus, I save the juicy, yummy middle part for myself.
Ryan needs to work on his enthusiasm.

Angie said...

That was awesome. I honestly have never seen anyone cut the rind off like that (rind? is that the right word?). Really - I never have. I'm going to try it at the next opportunity!

rychelle said...

did the first version include the part about diarhea? because i think that's what made this version great.

p.s.
i LOVE you necklace and apothocary jars! where did you find them?

marta said...

i have never known how to cut watermelon correctly. i've been doing it all wrong. your way IS COMPLETELY REVOLUTIONARY. i loved your tutorial. thank you! and thank you to your man who's comments had me laughing. you are darling and so is your fantastic kitchen.

more please.

marta said...

did i say who's. whoops. i mean whose. i know we 'writers' are finicky about that kind of thing.

xo.

Kate said...

We leave the sour parts on when we have watermelon because they make great missles to spit at unsuspecting chickens. It's hilarious. :)

Kami said...

I do it completely different, but by no means better...not in any way. Did you really say diarrhea in this tutorial? Very informative. :)

heidi said...

the cornerstone of your self-esteem!! :) I love it!!! I'm craving watermelon now. In fact, i think i'll try this technique soon!

Thanks Tiff!!

Christy said...

Fascinating! I loved it!

MiaKatia said...

Oh my you are hilarious! I will not eat a half or an entire watermelon, note taken. And just so you know this has changed my entire understanding of watermelons. Summer here we come :)

Mindi said...

you should know that i've watched this twice--once this morning, and once now. really.

you look adorable. and that kitchen is to die for.

if you could only have done a little 'anal-retentive chef' it would have been complete.

Omgirl said...

Yeah! Comments at the bottom of the post! Halleluia! (Can you tell that I really had an issue with having to scroll back to the top of the post to comment? I did. )

On a more relate note, I never eat watermelon, let alone cut it up. But IF I ever have to...I will thank YOU for showing me how.

Shua said...

You're going to laugh, but the whole time I was watching that I kept hearing you say in your imitation-of-the-house-agent-or-whoever-it-was voice, "God forbid anything happen to you and your family." I'm still laughing.

Besides that, I think you are both hilarious. I loved the, "I think this take is MUCH better than the first one!" from uncle ryan.

classic.

Kellybee said...

It's good to know that watermelon is recession proof! Where do you come up with this stuff? My husband and I just peed our pants watching you!

Ginnie said...

You have just elevated my watermelon cutting experience.
And I never look that good in the kitchen, let alone have a bra on. :)

I give your tutorial two enthusiastic thumbs up!

shannon p. said...

Very informational and funny as always. I have also been complimented for my watermelon cubing skills, which are completely different from the way you just demonstrated...not better, mind you, just different. My dad also has another style of cutting watermelon which I wouldn't recommend, (don't tell him I said that or he may make me cut the watermelon, and it's always better when someone else does it for you!) I'll be sure to try your method and let you know (in a kind and gentle way so I don't bruise your self esteem) if you way really is the best!

Dede said...

OK Tiff, I just have to tell you that I have never bought a whole watermelon because I was scared to cut it up. So, today, I went to Costco, bought a watermelon, set up the laptop in the kitchen and replayed your video as I cut my watermelon. It was a success! Although, yours looks way better. Oh, and I think your next video should be on how to pick a ripe watermelon. My melon was cut nicely, but it doesn't taste that amazing.

P.S. Oliver enjoyed listening to it while he kicked it in his bouncer.

tiburon said...

Best watermelon cubing video I have ever watched.

You have made me want to conquer my fears of buying a whole watermelon.


Off to the store now.

Oh and I think the giveaway was rigged.

Lindy-Lou said...

You could have your own show on the food network, (and believe me, I ought to know) and you would be dubbed the network 'cut-up'. The only difference in a segment like this one, which was really fun by the way, especially the comments from the camera man, is that they compact it by going to a break once the method is clear, and when you come back, there is your beautiful finished product. So please have Christian and Max do the commercial next time. :-)

Miranda said...

"even thought we're in a recession...the ends are still yucky" HA! I will think of this every time I eat watermelon.

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