I have to say, though, my history of semi-annual flossing has served me well. I've only had a few cavities as an adult, significantly fewer than Ryan who flosses more often then he has bowel movements. Seriously, the guy is always flossing, even if there is no floss available. He goes into total MacGyver Mode when he feels the need to clear the pathways between his molars. The list of strange items he has used to floss with includes, but is not limited to the following:
- loose threads from clothing
- drinking straws
- paper clips
- torn pieces of plastic cup lids
- torn pieces of shopping bags
- printer paper
- envelopes
- business cards
- elastic
- fiber optic cable
- headphone wire
- pencils
- car keys
- tinsel
- Easter basket grass
- real grass
- wheat
- uncooked spaghetti
- measuring tape
- jumper cables
- fingernails
- corn husks
- twist ties
- fishing wire
- action figures
- refrigerator magnets
- CD covers
- floppy disks
- spatulas
- magazines
- clotheslines
- barbed wire
Okay, so maybe a few of those I made up, but the point is that Ryan flosses a lot. And in the most unusual ways. And unfortunately, his extreme flossing practices have brought him little success in the realm of anti-cavity-ism compared to my previous methods of microscopic food storage. His victory has only been in moral superiority.
But, of course, that's all changed. I'm a regular flosser now. Tomorrow it will be noted on my official medical records. The hygienist may even let me take two prizes from the treasure chest filled with an endless supply of neon-colored junk from Oriental Trading Company as a reward. We'll chat about the usual nothingness and really mean it this time, instead of using it as means of avoiding the elephant in the room. Specifically, the one lodged between my #3 and #4 bicuspids.
I'm giddy with anticipation.
What about you? Do you floss regularly?
Posts
